This episode is an interesting one because we’re talking about a hard topic- the correlation between ADHD and moving a lot. I’m talking with Stacy Colgan, LCSW and therapist with Watervliet Counseling. Stacy and I both have ADHD, and she specializes in ADHD counseling and therapy, which is one of the 4 components of treating ADHD. The act of relocating can be especially challenging for someone with ADHD. The process requires planning, organization, and follow-through – areas where individuals with ADHD might face challenges. Tune in to hear how you can manage your symptoms through a move.
You hear the term ‘ADHD’ a lot- so what is it? ADHD stand for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and is a neurodevelopmental disorder that primarily affects a person’s ability to pay attention, control impulses, and manage hyperactivity. It is believed to have a strong genetic component, and environmental factors are considered secondary in its development.
On today’s episode of the podcast, I’m talking with Stacy Colgan, LCSW &Therapist with Watervliet Counseling. Stacy and I both have ADHD, and she specializes in ADHD counseling and therapy, which is one of the 4 components of treating ADHD.
So what are the symptoms and how do you know if you have it?
Let’s tackle the symptoms part first. ADHD is characterized by a persistent pattern of inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity that interferes with daily functioning. The most common symptoms of ADHD can be categorized into two main groups: inattention and hyperactivity-impulsivity. Not everyone with ADHD will display all these symptoms, and the severity and combination of symptoms can vary.
Some specialists have suggested the following as a list of symptoms associated with ADHD in adults:
- Impulsiveness
- Carelessness and lack of attention to detail
- Continually starting new tasks before finishing old ones
- Poor organizational skills
- Inability to focus or prioritize
- Continually losing or misplacing things
- Forgetfulness
- Restlessness and edginess
- Difficulty keeping quiet, and speaking out of turn
- Blurting out responses and often interrupting others
- Mood swings, irritability and a quick temper
- Inability to deal with stress
- Extreme impatience
- Taking risks in activities, often with little or no regard for personal safety or the safety of others – for example, driving dangerously
I’ve certainly made some impulsive moves that cost me a boatload of money. That’s why I developed the FRED Framework, it helps me work through being less impulsive, more thoughtful. Being less restless and more goal oriented. Less stressed and more joyful in the journey of life.
I got lucky, I’m pretty darn good at organizing. Stacy calls that masking, a skill I have built by hyper-focusing. I use it to get out of doing the things I know I need to be doing because it still gives me a sense of purpose but the problem is it doesn’t allow me to do the things I need to prioritize. I’m working on it…it’s overcompensating at its best.
It’s important to note that these symptoms should be present in multiple settings (e.g., at home, at school or work) and cause significant impairment in daily functioning. Additionally, other conditions, such as anxiety, depression, or learning disabilities, can have similar symptoms, so it’s crucial to receive a comprehensive evaluation by a healthcare professional to determine if ADHD is the correct diagnosis.
ADHD is a treatable condition, and various interventions, including medication, behavioral therapy, and lifestyle changes, can help individuals manage their symptoms and improve their quality of life. Treatment plans are typically tailored to the individual’s specific needs and circumstances.
So what does this have to do with moving?
Well, moving to a new environment or experiencing significant life changes can impact individuals with ADHD, just as it can affect anyone else. Such changes may introduce new stressors, routines, and challenges that could exacerbate ADHD symptoms or make them more noticeable.
Direct Factors Influencing Relocation:
- Impulsivity: One of the core symptoms of ADHD is impulsivity, which refers to making hasty actions without considering the consequences. This trait can result in individuals with ADHD making spontaneous decisions to relocate, even if it might not necessarily be in their best interest in the long run.
- Need for Stimulation: Many people with ADHD have a heightened need for stimulation due to the nature of their brain chemistry. Moving to a new place can offer a fresh set of stimuli – new people, environments, and experiences. This might explain why some individuals with ADHD might find relocating appealing.
- Difficulty in Settling: ADHD can sometimes make it challenging for individuals to feel settled or content in one place for extended periods. The constant internal restlessness might push someone to seek external changes, like relocating.
Indirect Factors Influencing Relocation:
- Career Challenges: People with ADHD often face challenges in the workplace due to their symptoms. They might struggle with organization, time management, or maintaining focus on tasks. This can lead to frequent job changes, and consequently, relocations to pursue new job opportunities.
- Relationship Dynamics: Impulsivity and hyperactivity can sometimes strain relationships. Individuals with ADHD might relocate due to relationship breakdowns or to start afresh. Moreover, starting new relationships can also be a reason for relocation.
- Seeking Suitable Environments: Over time, many individuals with ADHD recognize environments that are more conducive to managing their symptoms. This understanding can lead to relocation to places that better suit their needs, be it quieter neighborhoods, proximity to nature, or regions offering specific therapeutic interventions.
It’s important to note that while moving or life changes can impact individuals with ADHD, they do not cause ADHD itself. ADHD is a lifelong condition with a strong genetic component. Treatment and management strategies for ADHD typically involve a combination of behavioral therapy, medication, and support to help individuals cope with the challenges of daily life, including the potential disruptions associated with moving. If you or someone you know has ADHD and is facing a move, it can be helpful to plan and prepare for the transition to minimize its potential impact on daily functioning. Consulting with a healthcare professional or therapist who specializes in ADHD can also provide valuable guidance and support during such times of change.
Moreover, the act of relocating in itself can be especially challenging for someone with ADHD. The process requires planning, organization, and follow-through – areas where individuals with ADHD might face challenges.
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TRANSCRIPTION OF EPISODE
Mariette Frey (00:03.01)
Well, welcome to the show everyone. I’m super excited for our guest today. She just happens to be my bestie. Her name is Stacy Colgan and she is out of Naperville, Illinois. Now Stacy and I know each other. We go way, way back. So not as far as college. She went to Monmouth College and got her undergrad in business and theater. Probably why we connected so early on because I was always a theater acting nerd. And she holds two masters. The first one from Loyola.
which is in Chicago and that’s for social work. And the second master’s was from Benedictine College, which you at one point taught at, I remember, right? Yeah. Oh, that was Aurora. Oh gosh, and now Carter’s starting to bark at his little toy. Hey, don’t do that. So the Benedictine master’s is in education and leadership. And so you became…
Stacy Colgan (00:40.573)
Aurora. Close. Aurora University. Yep.
Mariette Frey (00:55.55)
a clinical social worker back in 2005. And I think a night out with me kind of kicked off this journey of yours. We lived in Wrigleyville together. Like Stacey and I traveled all over the country, not even the country, we traveled all over the Midwest together because we were recruiters for the company that I work for now. Hold on, stop it. I think the listeners know that Carter’s gonna, at some point like, you know, get, don’t do that. Get into this thing. I feel like I should start over. It is, he’s.
Stacy Colgan (01:00.93)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (01:05.186)
those.
Stacy Colgan (01:20.941)
He’s part of the show. Part of the show.
Mariette Frey (01:24.422)
I love him so much, but like he just ate and so now he has the zoomies and he like plays with this little thing. It’s a little alligator and instead of like eating it because it’s one of those chewies for their teeth, he literally just plays with it and like runs with it all over the, you know, house. So anyway, so basically Stacey and I traveled together for our corporate job. We went all over the Midwest to colleges. We had so much fun. We spent hours and hours and hours in the car together. So we got to know each other very, very well.
Stacy Colgan (01:50.495)
Thanks.
Mariette Frey (01:54.81)
But you left corporate America around 2005 and part of it was when we went out and a friend of mine was crying the whole night, which is kind of, I’m not going to name any names, but kind of what she did. So once she got a couple of drinks in her, she would just get the weepies and we just kind of knew we would let her cry. So that was my perspective. Your perspective was much different. So
Stacy Colgan (02:17.45)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (02:19.59)
Remind me, because I know you wanted to go talk to her and like build her up and stuff. And we were like, oh, she just does this.
Stacy Colgan (02:27.269)
Yes. Well, first I was like, thank you. Thanks for having me, Marriott. This is so fun. I love this. Um, okay, yes. So Mara and I spent a lot of time together. And then when we weren’t working, we were like living it up in Wrigleyville, which was fun. One night we went out with some of your friends, which, you know,
Mariette Frey (02:28.47)
But welcome to the show, Stace. Welcome. Yeah.
Mariette Frey (02:44.525)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (02:50.465)
Southern Illinois friends were everywhere. So I’m assuming maybe it was some southern or maybe some high school friends. I can’t remember but I was sitting there and You guys all like had spread out everybody was everywhere and you had one like really weepy friend and I was like what is wrong with her what is going on and None of you were giving her a second and if you know Mariette that is not like her
Mariette Frey (02:53.526)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (02:57.77)
Probably. Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (03:19.189)
Like she’s zeroed in, she’s helping you. You’re done. So I sit down and I start talking to her and then maybe I realize after like 15 minutes or maybe half an hour, maybe two hours or maybe the whole night, why? You guys had spread out. But at the end of the night, she comes to me and says, oh my gosh, Stacey, thank you so much.
Mariette Frey (03:19.554)
I know, I was done.
Mariette Frey (03:36.421)
Mm-hmm.
Mariette Frey (03:39.735)
Yes.
Stacy Colgan (03:47.513)
I shouldn’t be a social worker, you should. And I was like, what? What’s a social worker? What is that? I’d never heard of a social worker before. And she’s like, well, I’m gonna be in hospitals. And so she’s telling me about it. Again, Marriette and I are recruiters at a large tech company. Could not be more opposite. So we probably get home.
Mariette Frey (03:49.966)
I’m sorry.
What’s a social worker? Yeah.
Mariette Frey (04:07.422)
Yeah, Corporate America at a tech company. Yeah.
Mariette Frey (04:13.995)
Yep.
Stacy Colgan (04:17.229)
one o’clock, two o’clock in the morning. And the next morning I wake up. It’s Saturday, by the way. I’m 25, 26. I wake up, it’s early, and I spring out of bed and I’m like, I’m gonna be a social worker. I knew it. Like I was gonna be a social worker.
Mariette Frey (04:23.766)
Mm-hmm.
Mariette Frey (04:32.575)
Ha ha ha!
Mariette Frey (04:36.978)
and you have never looked back. So you just a couple years ago, you were working in schools for a while and then you took the leap, you went out and did more curriculum and then you broke out a couple of years ago and started your own practice. Tell me about that.
Stacy Colgan (04:39.561)
And I’ve never looked back.
Stacy Colgan (04:49.389)
Mm-hmm.
Stacy Colgan (04:54.461)
Yeah, yeah, gosh, yeah. So 18 years in education, 14 years as a school social worker, and then six years in administration. And I just kind of decided that I was gonna continue to follow the yes, like what’s working, what’s working. And I kept doing that. And over COVID, I flippantly got asked to…
do some private practice. And I was like, okay, I’ll try it. I’m kind of bored. You can kind of see a theme here of, I do things a little flippantly. They might not be the most thought out decisions. This was another one.
Mariette Frey (05:27.063)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (05:34.782)
That’s okay. Um, yeah, I just.
Stacy Colgan (05:38.441)
Yeah, we do that. So I started private practice, worked for a practice that had multiple therapists, and I would go in and I would see like, well, first it was virtual, cause it was during COVID. So, yeah. So I’d see like a three-year-old, and then I’d see like a 93-year-old, and then I’d see a couple, and then I’d see like a family, and then I’d see like,
Mariette Frey (05:54.77)
Oh, that’s right. Yeah, it’s pandemic.
Mariette Frey (06:03.537)
Oh wow.
Stacy Colgan (06:07.613)
a woman in her 30s. And I was not good at all of these, like all of these subgroups. You know, I think that the building, the relationship was okay, but when it came to like, what can I really like support? What can I help you with? It kind of went from like couples and families, not so much.
Mariette Frey (06:09.634)
Hmm.
Mariette Frey (06:16.394)
No. Yeah.
Mariette Frey (06:31.041)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (06:37.045)
Three year olds, nope, can’t do it. But I kind of had my niche out of that. So after a year, I decided like, I’m gonna do this on my own. I think I can make a little bit more money and I’m gonna try this out. So switched from working with someone else, worked for myself and really like niche down. Really, gosh, this is when you and I like.
Mariette Frey (06:40.192)
Nope.
Mariette Frey (06:49.374)
Mm-hmm.
Mariette Frey (06:58.423)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (07:03.485)
really got into this like, okay, we’re doing something for us. Like we need to start like, we need to rise together. And I think that that’s where.
Mariette Frey (07:07.358)
Yep. We went to Rise. Yep. Yeah. Well, and that was, yeah, it all kind of kicked off because it was January of 2020. And we both sat, what was interesting about Rise, so this was a conference, I had never really heard of Rachel Hollis and Stacey, you had been following her for, gosh, years at that point, right? She wrote the book, you know, Stop Apologizing, Girl, Stop Apologizing, Girl, Wash Your Face. Like she had done all these things and I was like, oh, okay.
Stacy Colgan (07:32.673)
Yeah.
Okay.
Mariette Frey (07:36.734)
And then when you had asked me to go to this conference, I tried to go to some sort of self-help, self-learning something every single year. And I was like, yeah, sure. And you’re like, we’re going VIP. And I was like, whoa, okay, let’s do this. You’re like, I wanna meet Rachel and Dave, and we get to do that at VIP. And I was like, you know what? We haven’t been on vacation together in years. Let’s do this, right? We stayed at some crappy random hotels, but.
we had some epiphanies at this conference, because, you know, most of these conferences that you go to, like, there’s some big ones, there’s a very, very tall dude that does one, Tony Robbins, and like, they tell you like, Oh, yeah, they build you up. And they get, you know, get out there and, you know, be a savage after your dreams and all these things. But they don’t tell you how to do it. And so she had this like recipe for like, okay, you make an idea soup, and you like, put all of your ideas in one bucket, and then you, you know,
Stacy Colgan (08:05.845)
We made it work.
Stacy Colgan (08:25.926)
Yes.
Mariette Frey (08:33.502)
make a list of the people that are going to help you and then you, you know, chart out the path. And like, we both were like, that sounds easy enough. We can do that. And then we did it. Which isn’t a miracle because we both did it. And not only that, but like we, we both have ADHD. We have not even talked about that as the title of today’s episode. I I’ve not been formally diagnosed, but as my best friend and a social worker,
Stacy Colgan (08:44.405)
both today.
Stacy Colgan (08:57.608)
Mm.
Mariette Frey (09:02.018)
who like niches in the ADHD world, I’m pretty confident that I have it given that you’ve diagnosed me. And I think that was like the funniest conversation we’ve probably, one of the funny, we’re pretty funny when we’re together. So that was one of the funnier conversations because I was like, I don’t even know if I have ADHD. And you looked at me and you were like, what? And I was like, do I have ADHD? And you’re like, you’re the most ADHD of any ADHD I know. And I was like,
that makes a lot of sense then. Like, let me dig into that. You like recommended some books and everything I read. I was like, Oh God, I do. I have, I have
But it’s been helpful to understand like that I have it. So for those that like have, you know, have heard of it, I feel like the term gets thrown around a lot and there’s ADD and ADHD and so that. So like, can you just, let’s start there. Can we like clarify what ADHD is, what ADD is, like what the difference is? Like, let’s start there.
Stacy Colgan (09:51.341)
Yes.
Stacy Colgan (10:01.381)
Yes, okay. So mental health diagnoses are all named in this big DSM book. This big DSM book gets updated every few years and they really take all the research that’s been done and look at what the diagnoses are and really what kind of are all the qualifications. So ironically, ADHD,
is the actual title for all ADHD, even if you’re not the H, which is hyperactive. So attention deficit hyperactive disorder is the actual diagnosis. It is not ADD anymore. So ADHD in the latest DSM, and there are three subtypes. First is the one I think most of us think of when we think of kids, which is hyperactive.
Mariette Frey (10:40.361)
Okay.
Mariette Frey (10:45.024)
Okay.
Mariette Frey (10:49.451)
Oh.
Mariette Frey (11:00.14)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (11:00.225)
those fidgety kids that blurt out, that can’t sit in their seats, that are kind of, you know, little tornadoes. The second is a little bit more difficult to diagnose is what we’re seeing is a lot of diagnosing in adulthood with women, which is inattentive. And then the inattentive is just like, you’re kind of like looking off into space and thinking of things. Or
Mariette Frey (11:07.807)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (11:20.394)
What does that mean?
Mariette Frey (11:28.14)
Mmm, like a dreamer.
Stacy Colgan (11:30.077)
like a dreamer, or I think more importantly, I’m in a conversation with you, but I’m thinking of four other things. Yeah.
Mariette Frey (11:39.314)
Ooh. Okay, tell me more. And then there’s a third one. I’m scared because I feel like I have I’m check for both the first one and the second one I feel like.
Stacy Colgan (11:43.537)
Yeah. Well, and I-
Stacy Colgan (11:51.921)
Yeah, which brings us to the third one, which is combined type. That’s both. That’s both, yeah. Well, and I think that the best way to describe ADHD to those that don’t have it, or maybe if you think, gosh, do I, is like, you’re in a room and there are 200 TVs on, and they’re all up.
Mariette Frey (11:55.622)
Oh, okay. That’s probably what I am. Yeah. Okay.
Stacy Colgan (12:20.013)
pretty loud, but at different levels. That’s what ADHD kind of feels like in your mind. And once you start working with ADHD, with a therapist, possibly with some medications, if that’s the way that you decide, by educating yourself and by some coaching, so that’s kind of those four areas, you’re bringing down those TV sets so that you’re focusing on one. So you have one channel,
Mariette Frey (12:22.776)
Mm-hmm.
Mariette Frey (12:26.562)
Okay.
Mariette Frey (12:47.035)
is one channel.
Stacy Colgan (12:49.953)
One thought, there’s still humming and noise in the background, but your focus is unilateral. It’s not all of the things anymore.
Mariette Frey (12:54.475)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (13:00.67)
That makes a ton of sense. I definitely think I’m combined. If somebody, because I know I at one point did some like online assessment, but I know there’s like very formal things that you can do to get tested to see if you’re right. So like, what’s that look like? And are there any like, you know, kind of pretty significant red flags? Like if you know that you do this a lot, like you might have ADHD.
Stacy Colgan (13:14.124)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (13:24.629)
Yeah, well, as Marriott and I were just jumping on and saying hello, one of our favorite things to do, I think two of them, and we did both of them within 24 hours, and one is moving around furniture. So I moved around all of my office furniture yesterday instead of writing the report that I was supposed to write.
Mariette Frey (13:39.669)
Uh huh.
Ha ha!
Mariette Frey (13:45.781)
Right.
Stacy Colgan (13:46.357)
And two is both of us which I didn’t even mention went through our closets and reorganized our closets And that’s something that I did yesterday so red flag if You have gotten up and at two o’clock in the morning. You are moving around furniture big red flag for ADHD
Mariette Frey (13:54.954)
Uh huh.
Mariette Frey (14:05.12)
You might have ADHD. Yes.
Stacy Colgan (14:07.569)
You might have ADHD or if you’re constantly kind of assessing your closet, rearranging your closet, rearranging your things, or it’s a like the closets there, I’m not even looking at it or I’m kind of obsessed with it. That’s another has to be perfect or I don’t even know what’s going on.
Mariette Frey (14:23.858)
Uh huh. Yeah.
And I feel like for me, I do it sometimes because I feel like I’m out of control in every other area of my life. And that’s the one thing I can control is like, I know I’m an I mean, granted, I went and got my like certified professional organizer, like status. But like for as long as I can remember, that is the one thing that I can do to control how I feel in that moment and to like gain back my focus.
Stacy Colgan (14:39.167)
and
Stacy Colgan (14:44.821)
Yep.
Mariette Frey (14:54.902)
is like I get a project, I’m really good at Tetris, like I can make things look, you know, and feel and be usable in that space. But for me, it’s sometimes a distraction for what I should be doing that I don’t wanna do because I don’t feel in control at that moment. So like that’s, you know, that’s another probably big red flag too.
Stacy Colgan (15:14.165)
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Mariette Frey (15:16.462)
Hmm. So what are the tendencies with somebody that have ADHD? Because obviously, like you watched me for years and I’m still kind of in the midst of, you know, moving around. Well, I guess I should ask you that first. Like, what’s it like every time I say like, hey, guess what? I think I’m going to move to like here and you’re like, oh, geez, like, what’s that like as my best friend?
Stacy Colgan (15:41.153)
Yeah, well, I mean, I think that we all have those. Yours has just kind of developed from moving. Mine, I do kind of the same with jobs. You know, I’ve been in a ton of jobs over the last, you know, 25 years. So yes, for you, it’s moving because it’s how many times in how many years.
Mariette Frey (15:52.468)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (15:59.053)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (16:04.034)
Well, it’s 18 times in the last 23 years. And I think at this point, I’m probably gonna move in the spring. So I’m looking at Chicago and Florida, or maybe both. I don’t know, we’ll see. Right? I mean, why not sell my house and get an apartment in Chicago and an apartment in Florida? And you know, like, I don’t know, we’ll see. I have no idea what I’m gonna do, but I’m going through my own Fred framework.
Stacy Colgan (16:17.085)
I love it. I love it. Yeah.
Mariette Frey (16:29.214)
right now, which you like helped me kind of vet out. But for me, I have to look at like, what’s the dream? What’s the end game? And right now I’m doing it. Like for me, like the dream would be to do this full time. Obviously, I’m very far from that. I have a mortgage and you know, all of the things that come with adulting, which it can be really hard. But I look at the dream and like what I want to do is serve people. I want to help them move smarter. I want to bring these things to light. Like nobody…
When I tell somebody I have a moving podcast relocation, I’m sure they’re like, I’m sure that’s incredibly boring. But like, you know, last week I interviewed somebody that does rental arbitrage, which I had never heard of, and I’m in the moving industry. I interviewed my aunt the psychic who, you know, we were talking about what do you do if you move into a haunted house? I’m talking to you about moving with ADHD and what that looks like and if there’s a correlation, like…
Stacy Colgan (17:04.97)
Ha ha ha!
Mariette Frey (17:24.706)
to me, these are things that people need to hear about because we make these decisions and then we regret them or we don’t make the decisions and that’s still a decision and then we regret them too, you know? So, but yeah, I asked you, yeah. I was gonna say, I asked you a question and then I didn’t let you answer it. Yeah, yeah.
Stacy Colgan (17:37.31)
Yes, yes, I think that when we… Yeah, I think…
That’s okay. We can do that. But I think that, so one of the terms that we have, um, in the field is masking. And boy, you and I are really good at masking. So an example of that is you literally being a professional organizer when one area of executive functioning that people with ADHD struggle with is organization.
Mariette Frey (17:54.968)
Mmm.
Stacy Colgan (18:11.121)
So that is something that you mask. It’s like, I am gonna hyper focus and I’m gonna go all in on that. So for me, it is time. I am always on time no matter what. Both me and my husband and my husband also has ADHD. So it is like, that is our one. Again, your friends that have ADHD typically probably are either they’re not on time or they have horrible time management or both.
Mariette Frey (18:11.144)
Oh, interesting.
Mariette Frey (18:16.498)
Yeah. Yep.
Mariette Frey (18:27.67)
Mm-hmm.
Stacy Colgan (18:39.581)
It all kind of goes along together. I work very hard.
Mariette Frey (18:42.91)
I used to be really good. Yeah, I was gonna say I used to be like on time, if not 1015 minutes early always. And now I find that I’m always late because I think in my head like this is only going to take me three minutes when really it’s going to take me 20. And I know inherently that it’s probably going to take me 20. But I’m like, I can get it done. I can beat the clock. Like I used to compete with myself on how quickly I could get the dishwasher unloaded and loaded. Like I, I very much don’t.
have a good, like a good, what’s the word, like understanding of like how much time something’s going to take me to do something. And then it pushes everything back in the day that I’m supposed to do, or I do it in inappropriate times sometimes. Like I prioritize things that shouldn’t be prioritized at that moment, because it’s not necessary at that moment. Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (19:21.013)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (19:29.537)
gosh, yes, you’re saying all of the ADHD things. So that’s called time blindness. And I tell my clients, yeah, time blindness. I tell my clients right away, the first time I meet them, I tell them, I have ADHD, I am extremely time blind. So I have clocks at both ends.
Mariette Frey (19:35.136)
Yeah.
Ooh, is that what it’s called? I’m time blind.
Stacy Colgan (19:54.001)
So if I’m looking back and forth to make sure I’m on time, it is not because you’re boring or anything else. It is because I just need to stay on time, not because of you. So again, nothing, yes, yes. It’s me, Taylor Swift. It’s me. So, yes.
Mariette Frey (19:59.419)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (20:03.202)
Right, right. You’re like, this social cue has nothing to do with you, it’s me.
Mariette Frey (20:13.362)
Yes, it’s me. Hi.
Stacy Colgan (20:18.365)
So again, just another way that we have to kind of mask or like realize here’s another thing. And you said a great one, which is prioritizing. People with ADHD have a really hard time prioritizing. So I work with clients and myself. Yeah, that’s a good question because we are so passionate and hyper-focused on the things that we’re passionate for that most of us aren’t very passionate for like.
Mariette Frey (20:18.742)
Oh my gosh, I love it.
Mariette Frey (20:29.565)
Mm-hmm.
Mariette Frey (20:34.539)
Why?
Mariette Frey (20:40.018)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (20:45.781)
writing the report I had to write yesterday. So I moved around furniture. My office looks fabulous though. Office looks fabulous. Report not written.
Mariette Frey (20:47.886)
I’m sorry.
Mariette Frey (20:51.17)
Fair. That’s fair. I bet it does. I actually, yeah, so Stacy practices out of Naperville, Illinois, like right downtown. It’s an awesome little office area. So it is to be clear, and I will put your information in the show notes and everything to be clear, you can only practice in Illinois, right? Both from a telehealth perspective and from an on-site perspective, right? So this, this isn’t relevant to, you know, 49 or 50 states.
Stacy Colgan (21:05.712)
him.
Stacy Colgan (21:16.691)
Yes.
Mariette Frey (21:20.962)
Um, but Illinois, like if you, you’re good there. Okay.
Stacy Colgan (21:25.625)
Yes, I’m good for there. But I’m happy to recommend therapists in different areas as well as coaches. If what Mariette and I are saying and you’re like, Oh, prioritizing, oh, time blindness, oh, all you know, these things are coming to a head or you’re like squirrel, like, you know, maybe it’s something to think about, right? Um, there really are multiple ways.
Mariette Frey (21:32.098)
Oh yeah. Okay.
Mariette Frey (21:42.891)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (21:48.374)
It’s a real thing. Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (21:55.301)
Um, that research says to best kind of work on that. And one of them is coaching. So I highly recommend, you know, doing some coaching, um, as well as the therapy, as well as really educating yourself, um, and educating those around you. I constantly tell my clients how it impacts them. Um, my ADHD, my family knows. So that’s a, that’s a big piece of it.
Mariette Frey (22:17.483)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (22:22.77)
Yeah, well, and you and I have talked about this in the past. Like a therapist, like I always say, and it’s even on my website and everything, like you should have three people in your life, right, that you really, really like working with. One is a therapist, right? So you’re like an archeologist that kind of digs up the bones and, you know, kind of figures out like, what got you to this point, right? And like, really like, let’s talk about your past. Like I know…
Stacy Colgan (22:43.815)
Yes. Mm-hmm.
Mariette Frey (22:47.394)
People traditionally think of therapists like, oh, we’re gonna talk about like my parents not parenting me right, or we’re gonna talk about people. Like, it could literally be like, why I am the way I am, and let’s validate that, and let’s say like, okay, that’s okay. Like, yeah, you moved around a lot as a kid. So of course it’s a little bit traumatic because you every single time had to start a new school, and you had to make new friends, and it’s hard to make friends. And so like, there’s…
therapist, right? So the archaeologist that digs up the bones and figures out how to get you where you’re going. And then a coach like me, so I’m a certified professional life coach, a coach is going to say like, okay, well, let’s figure out, let’s build some blueprints, right? So we know where you came from. And we know what your habits are and what you’ve got to, you know, got to do to like keep that up. And then as a coach, I’m going to help you kind of remove some of those
Mariette Frey (23:44.53)
What has stopped you from getting there? What are some milestones we can put in place for you to like phase out getting to this dream and build those blueprints? So almost like an architect. So you have an archeologist, you have an architect, and then there’s you. If you don’t like yourself and where you’re at and what you’re doing and how you’re doing it, that change has to start with you because you are the construction crew that takes those blueprints and has to build that house. Right?
For me, I look at this as like the trifecta of like, if you don’t like yourself and where you’re at, start with therapy, right? If you don’t know what your dreams are, we’re gonna get you from where you are today to talking about that as a coach. And then from there, we’re gonna set you free. And then you can always come back to both of us, right? And like, you know, you can go to a therapist and say like, hey, I moved and I thought I was gonna love it and I didn’t love it. And you know, I should have listened to the coach that says let’s do a city POC and try it out before I buy it out.
Stacy Colgan (24:22.06)
Thank you.
Mariette Frey (24:44.158)
and things like that. But like what, you know, like is moving, could moving be correlated with ADHD? And like based on the tendencies that you know, and the red flags and things like that, like I feel like for me, it’s a tendency. And like, I know we talked a little bit about masking and things like that, but like, could this be deeper with somebody that moves around a lot?
Stacy Colgan (25:06.377)
Yeah, that’s such a good question. Yeah, I think so for sure. I think that with ADHD, we often do things that are a little impulsive, right? Like going out to a bar and having a drunk girl tell you that you should be a social worker and then you quitting your, yeah, and then getting two masters, right? Just doing it. So I think that there’s some impulsiveness. So it could be like, yeah, I’m just gonna move to New York City and figure it out or, you know, I’m gonna go here or go there.
Mariette Frey (25:16.608)
Mm-hmm, yep.
Mariette Frey (25:21.87)
I think going to get two masters to do it.
Stacy Colgan (25:36.317)
Um, I think that there is also, um, a piece of that prioritization that’s like, am I really prioritizing the important things here? And I think again, sometimes we hyper focus. So another big word in the ADHD world, we hyper focus on just one thing. Like I’m just focusing on that. I want good weather.
Mariette Frey (25:53.303)
Mmm.
Stacy Colgan (26:01.833)
Like I want to go down and I want to be somewhere south because I’m so sick of this like, I’m in the suburbs of Chicago and dreary, gross, rainy weather. Snow. Yeah, so I’m hyper-focused on just one thing as opposed to, I love your framework because then I’m thinking of like all of the things. I’m looking at the POC for each place that I’m going and I’m thinking of like.
Mariette Frey (26:02.723)
Mm.
Mariette Frey (26:08.27)
Shreery.
Mariette Frey (26:12.243)
snow. Yeah.
Mariette Frey (26:24.173)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (26:28.541)
Okay, I’ve done my values activity and I know that family comes first. I have no family in the South. Is that really kind of coming together? Is that really meaningful? And the other thing I wanna point out is that oftentimes most of our moves are like more in our 20s. That’s kind of where we’re doing a bunch of those moves. And we are finding that I was diagnosed in…
Mariette Frey (26:32.705)
Mm, yep.
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (26:39.977)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (26:50.049)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (26:57.309)
when I was in graduate school the first time. That’s when I was diagnosed with ADHD, as an adult, not as a child. And you as well, got to love when your best friend diagnoses you unofficially. But in your 40s, I think that, again, thinking about the patterns and thinking about the, I need to change, I need to move, I need some inspiration, I need some hyper-focus, I just need some passion.
Mariette Frey (27:08.734)
in her 40s. Yeah.
Mariette Frey (27:26.283)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (27:26.397)
I think that often is, wow, that’s my ADHD. I still though need to bring in all the other things, the other values, the other things that are meaningful to me so I can make a smart decision.
Mariette Frey (27:39.308)
Yep.
Mariette Frey (27:42.834)
Yeah. It’s been eye-opening. So I just put that, the workbook, when you go to my website at the bottom of every single page, and by the time this is released, the new website will be out. So at the bottom of, I know, I’m so excited. At the bottom of every single page is where you can fill out to put in for the Monday Mailer. And when you go and sign up for the Monday Mailer, I send you a 14…
I think it’s 14 or 15 pages workbook that you can start filling out. And you mentioned the values page. I mean, it really is important, like you figuring out, like for me, I need, I want to be close to a Pilate studio. I wanna be able to walk to a coffee shop if I can, even if it’s a mile away, I want to be able to, feel safe in my neighborhood. I want family to come visit, if not live close to me.
So there’s all these things that I look at that in my 20s and 30s, I was like, I don’t care, I just want to explore. I went to San Diego once with a friend. I’m going to move there. And instead of thinking like, okay, well, I lived in Ocean Beach, but really if I were to look back, I probably would have, if not stayed, if I went just a little bit further north, I would have probably had all of the things that I still today think are important and want to have and could have been.
Stacy Colgan (28:38.992)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (29:07.274)
you know, like in the right place and set roots and stayed there. Not to say that I wouldn’t have moved all over because that’s just kind of love moving all over. But at the same time, like that day to day, like niching down, like you can have that dream to move to San Diego, but like where in San Diego, like what talking about your priority priorities, right? Like what is the priority? Like getting up early, working out, walking along the beach, getting coffee, you know, meditating, journaling, doing all of those things. Like if you’re not in a place where, if you have a,
If you’re in a place where you have to drive to that, you’re less likely to do that. And then you’re not gonna feel that balance and that harmony in your soul that you need to, to feel like you should thrive in that community, because you’ll just be surviving to get to your next, you know, soulful experience. So.
Stacy Colgan (29:54.741)
Yes. Well, and I think that one thing that I want to really put out there is when we find out that we have ADHD or some of the same tendencies as people with ADHD, I think instead of like really trying to like, oh, I want my ADHD to be as small as possible. I think that there’s some wonderful things about ADHD, the hyper focus, the creativity, the, I mean,
Mariette Frey (30:17.717)
Yes.
Mariette Frey (30:23.25)
Mm-hmm.
Stacy Colgan (30:23.873)
Gosh, if it’s a passion of yours to move around and to hyper focus for a little while and then go and, great, that’s amazing. Again, I think that it is kind of an acceptance of that, of, okay, how do I accept what this is and really work with it? And gosh, I don’t know anyone that’s done that better than you have. I mean, I think that you’ve like,
Mariette Frey (30:35.518)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (30:46.22)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (30:51.266)
Thank you. I have evolved. In fact, I am probably never going to… Oh, I can’t say never. Always a never are bad things to always say. I don’t think I’m going to buy another place for a very long time. I think that it would serve me better to rent because buying a house is expensive. I mean, you’ve lived in your house… Gosh, I think you’ve been in it, what? How many years? 14 years? 15 years? Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (30:53.973)
You’ve run with it.
Stacy Colgan (31:16.373)
Yeah. 14 years. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Mariette Frey (31:20.182)
So like for me, that sounds awful. But for you, like you have a family, you have children, like you, you know, like setting those roots was important to you for as long as I’ve known you. For me, I’m like, I’m gonna explore everything. So instead of spending that money every single time, I’m gonna find a place that I can rent for a year or two, see if I like it, and then maybe buy in that area, right? So like doing a very long POC.
Stacy Colgan (31:28.269)
Thank you.
Mariette Frey (31:49.782)
But at the same time for me, I like the investment of a house, but there’s a lot of things that come with buying a house. And for me, if I have to focus on one thing, it’s not going to be all of those things, like putting in patios and all that stuff. That was terrible. Like I’m lucky my grass looks good and it’s only because the HOA cuts the yard. Right? Because otherwise I would never do it. But I mean, if you… So there’s clearly a lot of…
Stacy Colgan (32:12.929)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (32:17.486)
correlations between ADHD and moving a lot. I mean, the spontaneity, the prioritization. What are some other red flags that you can think of that maybe, you know, as far as moving goes like we should consider when we’re considering moving, or at least get coached through?
Stacy Colgan (32:35.142)
Yeah, I think that another one is the passion piece and that hyper focus. How long is this something that you’re going to be passionate about? Is this something that’s like more short term or is it something that you can see the next few years? I think that when we hyper focus, it’s usually on something smaller like a hobby.
Mariette Frey (32:53.577)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (33:02.806)
Mm-hmm. Right. I was just gonna say, I’ve kind of made moving my hobby is kind of what I’ve done, which, yeah. But on top of like, I was gonna say on top of all the other things, like I just picked up pickleball. And by picking up, I mean, I bought the shoes, I took one lesson and I’m like, I’m gonna do pickleball now, right? But I mean, I haven’t signed up for my second class. Right.
Stacy Colgan (33:03.229)
Moving, not a hobby. Moving, you’re committed.
Stacy Colgan (33:10.345)
Yes, you have. You certainly have. So I…
Stacy Colgan (33:28.489)
Love it. Did you buy the outfit?
Mariette Frey (33:32.49)
See, I already had outfits. That’s why it fit into my hobbies. All my savvy clothes work perfectly for pickleball. So I’m gonna lean in. It was really fun. And I did in hindsight, like I played racquetball and tennis like growing up. Like I played racquetball with my dad. I played tennis, you know, passively. Like I took lessons and stuff at the park district and stuff. So it’s actually a combination of those two which is really fun, but with a Whiffle ball.
Stacy Colgan (33:42.025)
I love it.
Mariette Frey (33:59.318)
So it was interesting, but I think it’s gonna be fun and it gets me out of the house and not doing just a regular gym visit. So I’ve gotta do something. I’m getting older. So, yeah.
Stacy Colgan (34:10.465)
I love it, it’s so fun. I think just to answer your question and just to kind of wrap it up, I think that, you know, the passion for the work that you do day to day for someone with ADHD is incredibly important. So for me, when we worked together in recruiting, it was great for a while, but after two and a half years, it just died out. It just wasn’t.
Mariette Frey (34:34.507)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (34:38.186)
It was a lot.
Stacy Colgan (34:39.889)
It was a lot, it just wasn’t exciting anymore. And I was like, I’m just done. And I think that that’s why we do a lot of moving around, whether it’s careers or jobs or actual physical locations or I think that there’s even people that are in one city or one state or one neighborhood that they just move, you know, on and on and on. And yeah, there’s something fulfilling about that. So, you know, again,
Mariette Frey (34:43.008)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (35:02.044)
Over. Yeah.
Mariette Frey (35:07.338)
It’s like that fresh start.
Stacy Colgan (35:11.243)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (35:12.234)
But I think it’s hard because everywhere you go, there you are. Right. And so unless you are, if you are ADHD and any of this resonates and you haven’t taken the first step to even do an online assessment, I think that’s a great place to start. Um, I think that there’s, you know, setting up an appointment with a therapist that has a focus on ADHD. You can find like, if you go to psychology today.com, you can find Stacey’s profile.
Stacy Colgan (35:16.173)
Whatever you are.
Mariette Frey (35:40.91)
But you can also go in and search for specialties. Like if you feel like you have something that specifically is bothering you, like grief or ADHD, or you’ve got whatever your concern is, you can go in and search for therapists by that. I think it’s for me, I haven’t had a great experience searching through my insurance companies, like portals. I find that if I can go in and…
you know, find a therapist that way and then go in and see if my insurance covers it. That’s been successful. What are some other ways that they can find a therapist?
Stacy Colgan (36:15.761)
Yeah, I think that the best thing is to reach out to the people around you. Who do you like? Who’s what’s a practice that’s good? Lots of towns have different Facebook pages. So maybe it’s asking your mom’s group or it’s asking, you know, people at pickleball or it’s, you know, asking people that you go have coffee with, you know,
Mariette Frey (36:21.419)
Okay.
Mariette Frey (36:39.333)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (36:43.825)
I think that that’s first and foremost is ask around. I would say that half of my referrals come from Psychology Today, and then the other half probably come from my current clients referring their friends and their family members. So.
Mariette Frey (36:48.371)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (36:59.57)
Okay. And I think it’s important to note too, and this was something, a tip that you gave me many years ago, because I remember going into therapy initially, like back in 2010, gosh, it had to have been maybe 2007, 2008, but I was experiencing depression for the first time. And, you know, I tried to talk to a friend of mine who was a doctor and, you know, that’s a whole other episode about how she reacted. But…
Stacy Colgan (37:06.55)
Hmm.
Mariette Frey (37:29.402)
I asked you, like, what do I do? How do I find a therapist? And you said, well, first of all, interview them, right? Find a couple and then have a conversation with them and see if it’s a good match. Because just as I’m taking on some of these clients, there’s some people that I know I’m not a good match for, but then there’s some people that I can totally identify with and then we would work well together. And like you had Holly for many, many years.
You know, I tried Holly, she was far from me, like as I lived, you know, about an hour away. So while I loved her, it was really hard for me to get out there. So I found somebody more local that was a good fit. But had I not interviewed, I mean, there were several therapists over the years that I worked with, because I get depression and bouts versus having it, you know, last for a long time. And for me, like finding, like right now I have Kevin, who like, you know,
me moving out of North Carolina, I can’t work with him anymore. So like that’s, I actually have even thought about that because I use him, we meet once a month. But when I was going through some really tough times, like we were meeting like every other day. And he helped me get out of that, you know, gave me very thought provoking questions to like think about. And then you and I would talk, you know, sometimes about like what we talked about, and, you know, just getting validated. But like have had I not had the relationship with him. I remember one therapist in particular that
Stacy Colgan (38:26.006)
Thank you.
Stacy Colgan (38:38.006)
now.
Stacy Colgan (38:43.245)
you
Mariette Frey (38:53.57)
Like I was bored. Like I literally, they wouldn’t ask me any questions. They’d just be like, what else? What else? And I’d be like, I don’t know, ask me a question. Like you’re supposed to be helping me and guiding me and I don’t know what else. Like if I knew what else, I wouldn’t be here asking you for help, you know? And like, I was just like, what the hell? But so I thought that was such a great tip. And I still, like when anybody comes to me, cause I actually was a mental wellness chair for my company.
Stacy Colgan (39:12.157)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (39:15.552)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (39:24.018)
When people would come to me and say, like, this is what I’m dealing with, I would say, like, okay, find three therapists on, we used Modern Health. And we, you know, as a company would give away six, you know, one hour sessions for everybody. Some people needed more and then they can, you know, tap into our insurance. But I would say, like, go in, look at their profiles, see if there’s something that you identify with, and then have one session with them, talk to them, see if it was a good fit. If it is, great, keep going with that one. If it’s not.
then find someone else, you know? And you know that as a therapist that that’s gonna happen, right? Like you… Okay.
Stacy Colgan (39:54.345)
Yeah, I actually, oh gosh, yes. So I always schedule a call first. So whenever anyone reaches out to me, even if I see a good friend of theirs, I set up a 15 to 20 minute call where I’m asking them, what are you looking for? What type of insurance do you have? What have you gotten out of therapy before? What did you like? What did you not like?
And then I give my spiel, which is totally funny because so from the recruiting days, we used to have like spiel. I have my own spiel about myself now. And so I really lay out including like, I have ADHD. Here’s how it impacts my clients. Here’s how I’ve worked on it. Here are my strengths. Here are the things that I’m not that great at. And I’m really
Mariette Frey (40:25.959)
Yeah.
Yeah, we did our spiels.
Mariette Frey (40:34.443)
Okay.
Mariette Frey (40:40.254)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (40:50.505)
forthright because I want you to know coming in what to expect versus coming in and being like, no, ask me a question. No, I don’t know, ask me a question, you know? So I would say that most of the time, luckily, I have the right platforms and my psychology today and my website is pretty on brand with who I am. So I would say about 90% of the time when I do those calls.
Mariette Frey (40:55.307)
Mmm.
Mariette Frey (41:00.778)
Right. Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (41:20.501)
that those turn into actual clients. But every 10% of the time they don’t and I’ll give them a, hey, you know what? I don’t think I’m a good fit, but this person is, or why don’t you try this private practice, or let me do some research and find somebody else.
Mariette Frey (41:23.415)
Mmm, that’s awesome.
Mariette Frey (41:28.418)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (41:32.775)
Mmm.
Mariette Frey (41:36.607)
Yeah.
That’s awesome. Yeah, I think that’s incredibly important to have that relationship because like I know, I can call, well, obviously I can call you, but if you’re not available, I know that I can get in touch with Kevin and within a day have a session. And like, it just validates that I’m not crazy. My concerns, my, you know, whatever I’m going through is real and you know, he gives me tools.
Stacy Colgan (41:41.674)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (42:05.09)
whether they’re cognitive behavioral tools and that toolbox to use through the week to get me through whatever it is that I’m going, getting through, you know, whatever I need to get through.
Stacy Colgan (42:16.341)
Yeah. Well, and I think you bring up a good point that, you know, we’re such good friends. But when we are talking, I’m not talking to you through the lens of a therapist, I’m talking through, we’ve been friends for 25, 30 years, and I’m literally just thinking through all of our history. So like,
Mariette Frey (42:31.136)
Right.
Mariette Frey (42:35.426)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (42:40.354)
Mm-hmm.
Stacy Colgan (42:41.385)
Mama bear comes out, I get mad about stuff I want, you know, so it is very different than talking to a therapist who their job is really to like, validate and to really hear you and listen and mirror back like is this really I literally put my hand up to my clients. I’m like, is this is what I’m hearing? Is this what you think you’re putting out in the world? You know?
Mariette Frey (42:45.466)
You too.
Mariette Frey (42:49.267)
Yeah.
Mariette Frey (43:01.858)
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (43:07.741)
So there’s a lot of that, that cognitive behavioral therapy, but very different than going to a friend. It’s definitely leveling up. And the same with coaching. I mean, you and I can go to one another and be each other’s greatest fan, but I love that you have like, okay, we’re gonna go through the framework. We’re gonna do…
Mariette Frey (43:16.149)
Right.
Mariette Frey (43:25.579)
Yep.
Mariette Frey (43:30.451)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (43:31.221)
We’re gonna go from A to Z. I’m gonna help you get there. That’s very different than you and I getting on the phone and talking for half an hour.
Mariette Frey (43:39.546)
Yeah. And I need the framework because I’m ADHD to walk somebody through. Otherwise, I go off on tangents. I mean, there’s a million tangents that I always go off on, but, but for me, that’s helpful. Um, but yeah, no, I, I appreciate it. And there have been times too, where I’m, I’m like, okay, Stace, as a therapist, how would you process this? And you’ve been very good about saying, okay, well, there’s two different things that you can look at, or this is, you know, if, if I was hearing this, this is what I would.
Stacy Colgan (43:40.894)
Yeah.
Stacy Colgan (43:58.272)
Mm-hmm.
Mariette Frey (44:06.53)
think or say or ask a question or whatever that is. So I’m so grateful to have you in my life, just in general. I think that was the best thing that’s ever come out of the company we worked at together. But I also know you’re a tremendously amazing therapist. And for those in Illinois that are looking for somebody, how can they find you?
Stacy Colgan (44:17.833)
Yes. Agreed.
Stacy Colgan (44:29.397)
Yes, so I have a website, waterveletcounseling.com. So put it in the show notes because you’re not gonna be able to spell it nor can anybody. So watervelet counseling. You can also go to psychology today and look up Stacy Holgan, C-O-L-G-A-N.
Mariette Frey (44:35.762)
I will put that in the show notes. Yep. Nope. I’m going to go ahead and put that in the show notes. Yep.
Mariette Frey (44:49.282)
That’s awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I know the correlation between moving is there, especially like some of the things you talked about, like being spontaneous and all that stuff. So I’m so grateful. I’m sure we’re gonna get a ton of feedback on this episode because I know a lot of our friends have it. So thank you so much for coming on the show today. And I look forward to seeing you next. Bye.
Stacy Colgan (44:50.614)
Yeah!
Stacy Colgan (45:09.109)
Thank you. This was so fun. Yeah, you too. Thank you. Bye.